11 March 2009

Guest Blogger: Steven Barnhill

[Note to readers: Steven Barnhill is a friend of The Shark Tank and an aspiring children's author and illustrator. Having had little success getting published by traditional means, we agreed to give him some space today to show off his talents. Here's one of his newest tales.]



The Wolf And The Girl
by Steven Barnhill


Katie was a girl who rode the bus to school in the morning and went home by way of walking.





On the way home, she met a ferocious wolf who told her: "I like the smell of your sandwiches!"

Katie was shocked because she wasn't holding any sandwiches and she'd had oysters for lunch. Plus it was a wolf! And the wolf was talking to her! Have you ever met a talking wolf? In real life, I mean.




The wolf then dropped to his knees (because this wolf had knees) and said to Katie: "Give me one your sandwiches pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaase!"

But Katie wasn't about to give him a sandwich! She only had one left and she was saving it! For tomorrow's lunch. "I won't give you my sandwich, wolf! I've only got one left and I'm saving it! For tomorrow's lunch."

The bear was so sad to hear this that he ate Katie up right there on the spot! It was so gross because you could hear the bones crunching and the blood was all over the street and some of Katie's hair got stuck in the wolf's teeth!




The wolf sat back and was satisfied with himself. It turned out he wanted to eat Katie all along and didn't even care about the sandwich! Because wolves don't eat sandwiches, they eat little girls. And there are a lot more of them around than you think.

15 comments:

HumorSmith said...

Seriously Shawn? After this post, you have the temerity to suggest I am on something?

Whatever it is, we apparently shop the same pharmacy.

Shawn said...

@HumorSmith: How dare you? I have a prescription. A prescription!

Jen said...

Shawn, I love the story and the illustrations are award worthy but where the hell did the bear come from and where did he go. I'm confused. Do I need to take some of my horded pain killers to better understand this story?

Shawn said...

@Jen: Continuity isn't Steve's strong suit. Not sure all the pain killers in the world will help. (sorry, Steve)

lilaphase said...

Perhaps there will be a sequel where we discover the wolf has a multiple personality disorder?

Sean Donland said...

It's unconciousenseable that this man isn't being hounded by publishers day and night. That story moved me to tears, the good kind and the semi-hysterical kind that sorta freaked everyone in the library out.

Kirsten said...

That is genius! I don't know why this man hasn't had more success! Does he do all his own illustrations too?
BTW, you have an award at my site today.

Shawn said...

@lilaphase: that would be strangely appropriate...

@Sean: I think it's that second (common) reaction that is keeping him from his dreams of publication.

@Kirsten: He's a master of both the pen and the paintbrush, yes indeed. And thanks!

Carl said...

Where can find this wolf? How can I contact him? Steven, please send him my way. There are a few little girls in the neighborhood that need to be eaten. They scream and cry too much. I will even provide sandwiches as a bonus.

Jayden Vasara said...

ah the fairy tales we don't hear as children...

Knightmedic said...

It seems as wolves dont eat little girls either, but twizzlers

Margo said...

Modern day genius, this one. Nice dark twist/combo on Little Red Riding hood/hansel and gretel

Shawn said...

@ Carl: Those screaming girls can pierce the ear like no other sound, can't they?

@ Jayden: Unless you were read the original Grimm's tales. (although, granted, those made a little more sense...sorry again, Steve.)

@ Knightmedic: I wonder which tastes worse.

@ Margo: Yes. Not plagiarism at all.

Sean DOnland said...

I woke up screaming last night because of this horrible story. I'm going to sue the internet.

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?