25 March 2009

Art Is Fun!

My neighbor Pete and his wife, Martha, used to ask me to come over and watch their daughter, Sally, who was 8. Now, I'm not much of a babysitter, but I found I could surf the Internet as easily at their house as mine. 8 year olds require very little attention. Occasionally I would challenge Sally to some Halo on Pete's 360, but she was woefully inadequate at the game, to the point where it really wasn't fun for anyone.

Pete had been telling me for some time that he wished he and his wife could get a little more time to themselves. I could understand that. Even the best of marriages (which theirs certainly wasn't) can fall to pieces under the constant pressures of work and children. I decided to help my good friends out a little and give them a weekend all to themselves.

To that end, I surreptitiously picked Sally up from her bus stop one Friday afternoon. "Hope you like Corn Pops," I said as she got in the car. "Because that's pretty much all I have at the house."

She didn't seem too delighted with this turn of events, but since when do 8 year old girls know anything? I figured after an hour or two of watching TV, she would sleep for most of the next two days.

When we got back to my house, I picked up the phone to call Pete and let him know the deal. Just as I was dialing the phone, however, I glanced over at Sally and saw her removing some "art" from her backpack. She had cut out pictures from a magazine and pasted them into a collage. Genius! I hung up the phone and went to my magazine rack. "I have a great idea," I said to Sally. "You have glue?"

She nodded.

"Excellent. Let's make a fun letter to your parents!"

I have to admit, the rest of the weekend was somewhat of a blur. At some point I got bored with making the letter and shortened it to save time. I remember dropping the letter into Pete's mailbox. Shortly after, I remember taking a nap, during which I missed approximately 44 calls, according to the display on my phone. Then the FBI showed up on my doorstep. Then the white room. My well-intentioned letter was thrown back in my face. Under the harsh white lights of the interrogation room, it didn't seem as cute as it had hours earlier.




All charges were eventually dropped, but Pete and Martha got divorced later that year. I was never asked to babysit again.

28 comments:

Shawn said...

There's one specific comment I'm eagerly anticipating, so don't let me down, peeps.

Kirsten said...

Some people can't take a joke!

Chris said...

Bit of an over-reaction I'd say. Should've have at least given you some time to ask for some money to return the little mammal.

dizzblnd said...

I wish I knew the comment you wanted I would give it to you .. but I am clueless as usual.

Heather Cherry said...

I see you subscribe to "Allure" magazine. That's, um... interesting.

Can I have some Corn Pops?

Also, nevermind about dog-sitting for Snuggles when I leave for Destin in May. I think he'd be better off if I dropped him at the pound for the week.

Shawn said...

Kirsten: Yeah I know! People get sensitive as hell when it comes to their little rugrats.

Chris: Eh, I knew and they knew that no one was going to shell out the first dime for Sally.

dizzblnd: That's okay, I'm familiar with that feeling myself.

Heather: LMAO, and you win! I was indeed curious to see who would bring up Allure first. A bowl of Corn Pops is yours.

dizzblnd said...

I saw that.. it piqued my curiousity as well... had I only known good eye heather

Heather Cherry said...

YEA!!!!!!!!123!!

Thinkinfyou said...

I swear all good deeds go unnoticed!

HumorSmith said...

You sure know how to write an arresting post.

Shawn said...

dizzblnd: Allure is a fine magazine.

Heather: Settle!

Thinkinfyou: I know, it's life's burden.

HumorSmith: Dammit! This is a No-Pun Zone! I thought I put the sign up.

unfinishedrambler said...

I don't know why but I had a feeling as I started reading this, that this was going to go horribly wrong. Maybe I've read some of your other posts and was clued in to the fact that you're a pyscho. I think I better go find another person to give a shout-out, quick.

Heather Cherry said...

Why don't you come over here and make me, Hawn?

Carl said...

Not that I am picky or anything. But shouldn't that be had, not have?

The Hussy Housewife said...

Great! I love it!

Yeah, but I prob wouldn't let you near my kids.

Well..maybe if the price was right?

Shawn said...

Rambler: Noooo, discontinue that feature, I say!

Heather: I have lobsters, farmers, ducks, scorpions, and snakes on my side. I would watch it if I were you.

Carl: Um, well. No.

THH: I accept payment in the form of Corn Pops, which I think is quite reasonable.

The Stabbing Pen said...

Still would choose you over Michael Jackson.

Shawn said...

Stabbing: Can I use your quote in a commercial, should I choose to start a babysitting service?

Her Artichoke Heart said...

You are hilarious. I'm saving your blog in my favorites right now. (I don't even have any kids to warn you to stay away from!)

Tina said...

OMG! You are the worst babysitter. But that is the funniest story. And then it ended in divorce.

Nice blog!

dani c said...

OMG you're too funny !!

Shawn said...

Her Artichoke Heart: Thanks!

Tina: All the best stories end in divorce or death, I think.

Dani: thanks!

Kelly said...

Your friends seem a little ungrateful to me now don't they?

Heather Cherry said...

Oh, sure. You're all cocky now that you got your S button working again.

Maureen said...

Ahahahaha! Very good... and yes, I was wondering where I'd seen that "all" before... ;D

Shawn said...

Kelly: Yeah, I think so. It was probably this ungrateful nature that led directly to their divorce. Well, that and Pete's unwillingness to shave.

Heather: You' e damn ight! Oh c ap.

Maureen: There's stuff for men in there!

JerseyGirl said...

there's = their's. : )

Shawn said...

Fixed, grammar penguin.