30 March 2009

Compliment My Driving. Please?


Driving along today, I came upon a delivery truck. On the back of this truck was one of those "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers. This one was different, though. Below this was written "Complaints or Compliments--Call 1-800-[insert number here]". Complaints or compliments, eh? I wonder how many people go through the trouble of calling the number to put in a compliment on the guy's driving. I was only behind the truck for a brief period. He didn't make any flagrant violations of common traffic laws in this time, but I wouldn't say he impressed me enough to put in a call to his boss.

If the phone ever rings with a compliment at this guy's delivery company, I imagine the call goes something like this:

Delivery Company Secretary: We Deliver 2 U, How can I help you?

Caller: Yeah, I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm behind one of your trucks. I just felt compelled to say, this guy can DRIVE. He's like the Neo of delivery drivers!

Secretary: I see. What's his truck number?

Caller: 85621. Whoa!

Secretary: What?

Caller: He just turned onto 16th Street. He used both his turn signal and a hand signal to alert traffic that he was turning! I haven't seen that done since the Golden Age of the Automobile.

Secretary: (Sigh) Is this Bob?

Caller: (voice going slightly deeper) What? Who's Bob? I'm just a patriotic American who appreciates the fine driving I've just seen on display here today. I wish I had one of those camera phones, I would have recorded it and sold it as a driver's instruction video.

Secretary: Are you going to be able to make it back to the shop by 5, Bob?

Caller: Yeah, I've just got to drop off this last---er, I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. Goodbye!

26 comments:

C.B. Jones said...

I have a feeling my Brother might be vain/goofy enough to do that. I'm almost certain of it.

dizzblnd said...

You have such a great imagination.. I SO love reading your blog

Heather Cherry said...

Hm... I might need to somehow employ this method for my next performance review. Not sure how exactly to work out the details on that but I'll figure something out.

Carl said...

A few times, I was really impressed with the customer service that I'd want to compliment on some individuals. So I thought the best way was to talk to their managers directly. And I did. And it never failed when the managers could care less about what I said and condescendingly replied, "Great. Thaaaaaaaanks." Then immediately walked away as if I had wasted their valuable time. Now, if I complain, for example, I noticed a "chef" in Red Lobster who didn't wash his hands after using the facilities, the manager was all apologetic and my meal was free. Ain't America great?

Phillipia said...

I actually wrote an email of thanks to a nutritional store employee (eh, the store was a nutrition store; the employee probably practiced good nutrition,too, because he preached it, but...).

Anyway, I wrote the letter because he was a good mentor for my son but mostly because he asked me to because it was time for his annual performance review; I hope it helped because I really put my best writing skills to the test and made him out to be a god...I'd hate to think all of that was wasted.

Jeff Tompkins said...

Good stuff. Very funny.

In a fit of fascism, I once announced that I was in favor of a federal law requiring all vehicles to display their home and/or cell numbers on the back and sides of the car. This would cut down on bad drivers.

Winky Twinky said...

Kudos on the post.... Carl--you mentioned you got good customer service somewhere? Wow...let me know where, I'd love to experience that... not so easy to get anymore these days...Hey, and I'll even give you a good driving reference ;)

Shawn said...

C.B.: It's not the worst idea in the world, if you can pull it off.

dizzblnd: Thank you!

Heather: Definitely. In fact, it's probably how most successful people get ahead.

Carl: You actually bring up an excellent point. I never thought about it that way, but most stores and businesses do reward you the more you slam their service.

Phillipia: That's great. I remember one time someone gave me a $1 tip when I was delivering paint supplies. I wasn't sure whether to be thankful or insulted.

Jeff: That's a great idea. I would probably support such a law.

Winky: Yeah, I was just lamenting the other day about how the bad economy hasn't seemed to improve the service industry any.

Heather Cherry said...

Totally. Make Planetfeedback.com your friend, people. I write letters for great service AND for terrible service. I can't tell you how many a free gift card I've received for my efforts.

dani said...

I once called up a manager of a company to compliment this young man..
Just because he sooo hit on me.. :)

The Acorn King said...

I once had a semi cut ahead of me several times on a trip from Miami to NY. Then he'd get in front of me and slow down. When I tried passing him, he'd speed back up again.

Finally I had my friend take a Sharpie and write his "How's My Driving" number down (along with his plate number).

My buddy then held it up in the passenger-side window. I got up enough speed to pull even with him and the bastard finally backed off. I was hoping it wouldn't turn out like the movies, where he catches up to me several miles ahead at a rest stop.

Shawn said...

Dani: I once had the management of a store called on me for hitting on a girl. Also, security.

Acorn King: Yeah, I've seen Duel and Joy Ride too many times to try something like that.

Dalton J. Fox said...

Shawn, you now have me feeling guilty because I've never called one of those numbers to compliment a driver. I think I'll do that next time I'm behind one.

Of course, it'll be a hard task to find one that isn't pissing me off with their shitty driving. Hmm. Maybe it's best for them if I don't call.

ettarose said...

Shawn, you da man! I have given compliments before and honestly it is worth it to see the boss give that person a little extra something just because. Once a manager gave an employee a gift certificate for dinner. Not too funny but I thought it was great.

Shawn said...

Dalton: Yeah, that's the thing. You call up with good intentions and then you find yourself being run off the road.

ettarose: Yeah, that's awesome. I'm going to try to go out of my way to find a manager next time I run into really quality service. Hopefully the end result will be more like your story and less like Carl's.

Funnyrunner said...

Found your blog through Wendy (On the Front Porch). Okay, you've got me. You're funny... AND you have a German Shepherd ALMOST as beautiful as mine.... hee hee.

The Stabbing Pen said...

I like it when I'm in the middle lane and the car in front on me on the left, and the car in front of me on the right criss-cross and switch lanes --- without colliding into me or each other. It's very smooth looking. I wish I could compliment both of 'em at once.

Me-Me King said...

That Bob, he's one funny guy - and so are you.

Shawn said...

Funnyrunner: Thanks, glad to see you didn't trip and fall on the quality drop between Wendy's site and mine.

Stabbing Pen: I don't think I've ever seen that. That's some crazy Fast and Furious shit there.

Me-Me King: Thanks. :)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Ha! Good one.

Chris said...

I once saw a car sticker that said ...
"How's my driving? 1-800-get-f*cked"

I was impressed. So much so I tried calling to see if it was an actual number I could ring up and tell them they're sticker made me chuckle. Just in case.

It wasn't a real number.

Tina said...

Next time you see one of those, you should definitely call and leave a compliment! Hope it's a live person that picks up. That would be hilarious.

Margo said...

I always feel as if I have to cause an accident to read and memorize those phone numbers on the back of trucks... are they always on oil trucks and dump drucks with rocks flying out of the back or is that my imagination? Never gotten a number right. Very funny, Shawn. I'm feelng better now, got to go compliment someone.

Shawn said...

Chris: I've always questioned why "get fucked" was an insult. Seems like a well-wish to me.

Tina: Yeah, I might have to do that.

Margo: Those dump trucks with crap flying off the back piss me off. To me, it seems like those are the ones that never have a number.

RockstarMama said...

Please quit following me around town. The tailgating is getting out of control. For the love of God, I'm just trying to deliver shit.

Shawn said...

Uh, I just happen to be going to all the same places.