01 April 2009

The Greatest April Fool's Day Prank EVER

Today, on this, the first day of April, 2009, I would like to share with you the greatest April Fool's Day prank that has ever been played. Your foolmaster is me, and my exploits have been talked about from here to L.A. They have been rapped about by some of the world's premier hip hop artists. A painting of my greatest prank was rendered by a London artist whose name escapes me. Never mind!

I have been the mastermind of many April Fool's jokes over the years. I once convinced a friend of mine that he had been visited by aliens by making "crop circles" in the finish of his Honda with a can of paint stripper. LOLZ!

One time I replaced all the batteries in my family's open pack with dead batteries I had saved over the previous year. Wouldn't you know it, my brother needed a couple of batteries that very day! Oh, reader. You should have been there.

But I'm not here to talk about those pranks. Those pranks were merely sprinkles in the ocean compared to the joke I am about to share with you. The greatest April Fool's Prank of all time.

I was zero years old at the time. Lying in a hospital crib. The lights! They were bright beyond what you could possibly imagine. Particularly if you're blind. I don't know if you remember or not (I've found that most people do not recall their babyhood with as much accuracy as I recall mine), but being a baby is extraordinarily boring. You have little to do but lie around and think. But this can be productive, as it was for me on that fateful October night. It was then and there that I decided that I would play a little prank on my mom. Simultaneously, I would play a prank on someone else's mom.

When no one was looking, I rappelled out of my crib, crawled across the cold tiles of the floor, and climbed up into a crib that had been temporarily abandoned. Monstrously exhausted from this labor, I settled in to my new crib and fell promptly asleep, positively beaming from my own genius.

Well, as the hospital was understaffed, and most newborns look almost exactly alike, my plan went just as I'd hoped. I had baby switched myself! Neither mother was the wiser!

I was pretty pleased with the family I wound up with. They treated me well, bought me nice things. I even felt guilty once in a while when they referred to me as their first born. I wondered what my real mother and father were like. I sometimes thought about blowing the whole deal wide open, so great was my curiosity. But I remained steadfast. To blow it early would ruin the joke.

Finally, on the April Fool's Day following my 18th birthday, I let it fly. "I'm not your real son!" I exclaimed, barely able to control my laughter. "I babyswitched myself when I was zero!"

I won't lie to you, dear reader. I had some trepidation going into my revelation. I knew my parents' reaction could be bad. They had a sense of humor, but it wasn't always quite in line with my sense of humor. But, to my welcome surprise, they laughed right along with me.

"Great joke," my dad admitted, holding out his hand. I shook it with pride. "One for the history books."

My mom nodded in agreement.

"Just one thing," my dad continued, stepping back.

I sat down on the couch to bask in my own prankful glory. "What's that, 'dad'?"

"Well, you see," he said. "We knew you tried to babyswitch yourself that night. As a matter of fact, we were watching through the glass as you did it."

"Yeah, right," I said, but my smile began to falter.

"Yep," he said. "The joke is on you, I'm afraid. All this time. We are your real parents."

BAM! If I had been standing, I would have fallen down. What a twist ending. In that moment, I had to tip my hat to them.

They pulled off the greatest April Fool's Joke of all time. Kudos, Mom and Dad!

38 comments:

Soda and Candy said...

LOLOLOL

I'm so glad I blogrolled you.

Psych! I'm just mildly pleased.

alantru said...

Hahahahahahaha! Ahhh. Love it. It's the classic switcharoon on the switcharoo. Clearly, you got your wicked sense of humour from them.

"being a baby is extraordinarily boring"

Riot!

Heather Cherry said...

I don't think anyone's sense of humor is quite in line with yours.

Funnyrunner said...

lol. I would kill my son if he switched all of the new batteries....

Shawn said...

Soda and Candy: Great! This blog's primary aim is to mildly please.

alantru: Well, it is.

Heather: Well played.

Funnyrunner: Especially if he hid the good ones in his room.

C.B. Jones said...

How did it feel to have the worlds greatest prank blow up in your face like some much C4?

Winky Twinky said...

Ahhhh, the ole self propelled baby switcharoo....it's all starting to make sense now...I *knew* I was raising the wrong kid all those years...

dizzblnd said...

Sounds like something Stewie would do.. you didn't plot to kill your mother as a toddler did you? Hilarious

I Hate Commercials said...

The alien prank is classic. I need to try this on my one friend who is convinced that reptile aliens are coming in 2012

Shawn said...

C.B.: It felt simultaneously good and bad, like biting your lower lip until it bleeds.

Winky: Yes, I implore everyone to get DNA testing done. You never know.

Dizzy: No, my exploits were all non-murderous. Well, except for that one hooker.

Hater of Commercials: Be forewarned, my friend was not as amused by the prank as I'd hoped.

Dog Breath said...

"But Mom said you were out of town the day she got pregnant with me".

"Ha ha sorry dad, that's not true. You were home but Mom's yoga instructor hit it earlier that day so 50% says you're my dad".

JerseyGirl said...

man...for a moment...i had a clear understanding of you v. your family. theyre so normal. youre so...well, you know what you are.

*sigh*...back to the drawing board.

-a.

Chris said...

Hat tipped. Parents 1 - Baby Shark 0.
Well played 'rentals, well played.

It's like they took your joke, gave it a patronising snigger and then proceeded to raise the middle finger in your direction (with a smile).

dani c said...

You're too funny..

Shawn said...

Dog Breath: Some issues can ONLY be resolved by Maury.

JerseyGirl: I was normal until I met you.

Chris: That is exactly what they did. I have to admit, it crushed my spirit.

Dani: You're too effing kind. :)

Starving Artist said...

I could never keep a secret for as long as you and your parents did. That deserves a round of applause for everyone.

nipsy said...

Love it!! I wonder though, when your dad replied back to your prank with one of his own, did he yell "You've been punked"? LOL

Tina said...

Damn, missed April Fool's Day. Great story!

Beth said...

Very clever parents.

Scandalous Housewife said...

Slow, calculated prank...love it!

unfinished person said...

But has the joke been worth it for you and your parents? Are you glad you have the parents you do? :)

unfinishedrambler said...

Dang alter ego again. That was supposed to be from me.

Shawn said...

Starving Artist: I'm great at keeping secrets. In fact, if any of my readers would like to give me their sensitive banking information for safe keeping, I won't tell a soul.

nipsy: lol, I'm not sure my dad could pick Ashton Kutcher out of a lineup.

Tina: Yeah, well, seccesionists tend to eat into your blog reading time.

Beth: Longsuffering, they might add.

Scandalous Housewife: It's the only way to do it.

Unfinished: Wouldn't trade em.

RaBT said...

What? You're telling me that it topped the batteries trick you pulled? Granted, I'll give you props for the 18 year prank, but batteries? Oh man, now that's comedy - I can only imagine the look of terror when those batteries DIDN'T work! Nicely played sir!

JerseyGirl said...

i know you like to think so...but really, i cannot take credit for any of it. 'twas the severed arm that struck m'fancy.

...and actually...in thinking about that now...i'm not sure who that qualifies are more disturbed.

JerseyGirl said...

also...who are you kidding? you are the world's worst secret keeper. you cannot even keep your own. lies, all lies.

Heather's Mom said...

My Lord, Sharky, you have got Humor all over you! And it is GOOD. Sometime you make me laugh 'til I'm wheezy! That is some GOOD 'dorphins, I'll tell ya. One April Fool's Day Heather Cherry wrapped a rubber band around the sprayer nozzle at the kitchen sink and aimed it outward. So of course, when I came in from work, started dinner, and turned the faucet on high....I baptized myself!!! Right in the face!!!Like an idiot, I thought it was a weird leak, and turned it on again, sort of slowly, to see where it was coming from. Nailed myself AGAIN!!! Evil laughter rang throughout the house and THIS time it wasn't mine.... until I got her back with a nasty rotten potato under her pillow. Bwahahahahaha!

Ian said...

To be blunt, that was no twist at all. As baby's have no memory, what exactly was the point?

Shawn said...

RaBT: The battery trick is a certified classic. I might have to sell that one at a joke shop or something (coming soon!)

Jerzee: Oh, you're the reason. Maybe not for all of it, but you take some blame. And I never lie.

Heather's Mom: Anytime you get to the "wheezy" stage, you just go ahead and take a break. My attorney tells me we can't afford to be responsible for another death.

Ian: Well, I'm glad you asked. See, I wanted to illustrate the tense, yet fragile fabric of an infant's reality when juxtaposed with the illumination of late adolescence. To that end, I chose to use the three tenets of postmodern social concepts, but presented in such a way that World War II era thought was given as much weight as the Reagan era.

Jeff said...

There's a reality show in here somewhere. "The Switch," it might be called, and it would probably be hosted by Donald Trump. Why? Because he could.

JerseyGirl said...

um, no sir...i will not take any part in the blame. you were this way when i found you.

...and see, right there, that was a lie.

you are a liar and a non-keeper of secrets.

are you a guru?
yes.

lilaphase said...

I don't know what to say -

Call me!
TV_in_Atlanta

Shawn said...

Jeff: I wouldn't mind watching Trump firing babies.

JG: A love guru.

lilaphase: lol. It's good to have a catchphrase...

jena isle said...

Greatest prank indeed! It's a blessing your parents are wiser..lol...this brought a smile to my lips. It's a very entertaining article.

ettarose said...

Shawn you are so funny. I can just picture the disappointment on your face when it all came down around you.

Shawn said...

Jena: thanks, I'm glad.

ettarose: Disappointing indeed, but you have to appreciate the art.

Anonymous said...

weird, i did the exact same thing, except i'm twelve and i'm living with my biological grandparents, so i'm my own uncle. haha

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!