12 April 2009

Easter On The Moon

Sometimes, I like to stand in the middle of an open field and stare up at the moon. Wonder what it would be like to go there. Sit on a moon rock and think quiet thoughts. Scream as loud as I could and marvel at the fact that no sound was coming out. Plant a little flag that said "United States of the Moon" and declare myself President of this new, Moonish country, of which I was the sole citizen.




Then I remember there are flesh eating roaches on the moon and they would kill me before I ever had the chance to do any of that.

Happy Easter, Earthlings.

22 comments:

Ian said...

"Sometimes, I like to stand in the middle of an open field and stare up at the moon." That reminds me of the scene in Phenomenon where John Travolta gets struck by lightning.

Dalton J. Fox said...

Those flesh eating roaches are a bitch. They're the reason I plan to stay as far away from the moon as possible.

Wendy said...

Just as I was about to write this comment my 2-year-old walked by me with a trail of toxic waste scent wafting behind him. I'll trade you flesh-eating moon roaches for the little hazmat cleanup that is in my future.

By the way, do you have a zombie chicken yet? If not, you have one now!

Chris said...

Those cockroaches will outlive us all. Fair play. Can't argue with natural selection can you?

Marissa said...

Well at least while the roaches are eating you alive, we'll be spared from hearing your bloody scream.

dizzblnd said...

and don't forget, if they don't kill you they will give you pneumonia, plague, hepatitis, and typhoid fever among other horrible diseases

Shawn said...

Ian: Except didn't it just wind up being some sort of brain stroke?

Dalton: You are wise, sir.

Wendy: I'll, er, stick with the roaches. Thanks for the chicken!

Chris: You'd be surprised what you can argue with.

Marissa: Always thinking of yourself.

Dizzblnd: Now, I didn't even know that. That's just great.

Funnyrunner said...

Indeed. I, too, enjoy peaceful moments of pondering. I frequently wander outside among the wonders of nature and ponder what the density of the earth is...

Tina said...

Are there really flesh eating roaches on the moon?

Happy Easter!

Don said...

Sometimes I like to stand in an open field and piss, but then I remember there are flesh eating insects in that field that would chew off my dick before I had any chance to do any of that.

Tiggy said...

I already rule the moon. I consider this a declaration of war.

Shawn said...

Funnyrunner: I wrote an article about the density of the earth last year. Very dense, I think, was the basic gist.

Tina: Yes, according to my 7th grade science teacher, Mr. Franklin. Of course, he was dismissed halfway through the year for undisclosed reasons, so weigh that as you will.

Don: Yet sometimes the call of the wild is too powerful to resist.

Tiggy: Oh you don't EVEN want to go there.

Winky Twinky said...

Come on Shawn....I KNOW you've had your shots...to buck up!! Anyway, the myth about those moon roaches have been proven wrong..check out www.roachesdonotexist.com..... Anyway, own the world you do live in...put up a flag at your home declaring you as the official president..spend a Friday evening doing whatever the hell you want to do..and beat your chest with pride doing it!!... It's okay, as long as you're back to work Monday as usual, no one will ever know of this psychosis... I'll never tell!!!

nipsy said...

I'm claiming title of Queen Nips (just in case you were getting any ideas)..

As for your roach problem, isn't there someone out there with a ginormous can of raid??

ReformingGeek said...

Flesh-eating roaches? Where's Will Smith when you need him?

Kris said...

The moon has roaches on it? Really? And here I was going to see if you'd let me be the lone person to join you up there. I could bring a few cases of Black Flag!

Shawn said...

Winky: While your suggestions are certainly welcome, I would prefer not to go back to the institution for as long as possible.

Nipsy: You will apparently have to help me fight the Great Tiggy War first.

Reforming: Aw hay-ell naw.

Kris: Black Flag? 80s punk rock will only cause the roaches to be more aggressive.

Kirsten said...

Don't be such a wuss. Flesh eating roaches are nothing!

Maureen said...

Well then, just bring some "Flesh-Eating-Moon-Roach" spray. Duh!

Shawn said...

Kirsten: I'd like to see you take on a flesh eating roach! They swarm you, like piranhas.

Maureen: Oh yeah, I forgot they made that. Still risky, though.

The Stabbing Pen said...

Howard Stern wants to put the Sirius logo on the moon so it's visible from earth. Seinfeld refuses to go to the moon because there's no women on it. I'll go as long as the spaceship doesn't show a Drew Barrymore romantic comedy on the trip up.

Steph said...

There's no cockroaches on the moon!
Though perhaps you can base your next "film" on that idea. Get Samuel L. Jackson to be your star, and call it Cockroaches on the Moon. It would be like Snakes on a Plane, except with cockroaches and a moon.