09 April 2009

Things Found In Our Easter Eggs

Easter is just around the corner, peering at us lasciviously when it thinks we aren't looking. So it goes with a holiday that is great for kids and those with kids, is great for those who are religious in nature, and means almost nothing for adults who don't go to church. Still, since the majority of the Shark Tank's readership is under the age of 11 (we promote heavily in area elementary schools), I decided it wouldn't be right to ignore the whole deal. So without further ado, the culmination of almost a half hour's worth of research:


31 comments:

Winky Twinky said...

Here's a shout out to my peeps! You know, those sugary, marshmellowy things...I don't eat them, but what's Easter without your peeps? ...not to mention the under-cooked decorated egg...yeah, you know the one mom always tosses at you so it’ll crash....... hmm, I wonder if Mom was playing that trick on me all those years to get back at me for that whole baby switching thing.... ;)

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Can I raise my hand as one of the few readers who knows what a Chick Tract is? Had a college hallmate who left them everywhere. We'd gather them up and shove them back under her door. When this failed to dissuade her, we resorted to threats.

Marissa said...

For those plastic eggs, I think this year I'm going to put all my kids' teeth that they've left over the years for the Tooth Fairy. That'll teach 'em for being greedy and grubbing around hoping for quarters and dollar bills in those things.

Soda and Candy said...

Ew, I assumed Chick tract was some gross anatomical thing, so please explain!.

You forgot baby spiders... those are in last year's eggs by now

dizzblnd said...

sounds like you've been to one of my Easter egg hunts.. but I usually only have the Halloween candy oh and razor blades

Heather Cherry said...

The thought of a child under 11 reading this blog is truly disturbing. The thought of someone at any age reading this blog is frightening enough!

P.S. How the crap does someone fit a DVD into an Easter egg? That's some magical sh*t right there.

Shawn said...

Winky: You know, I've never eaten a Peep. What does it taste like? Chicken?

Shieldmaiden: Yeah, I was wondering if anyone would get that. Nice work. I had to give a shout out to one of the best comedy writers of our time.

Marissa: Good idea! Nothing brightens a holiday like crushing the spirits of little kids.

S&C: Well, a Chick Tract is a brand of religious pamphlet put out by Jack Chick. It's Christianity, in a hilarious comic strip format.

Dizzblnd: You gotta stop getting drunk the night before.

Heather: I don't know what's so frightening about it. The Shark Tank is family friendly. And maybe it's a really big Easter egg.

C.B. Jones said...

For some reason, none of those stupid fake eggs had a secret decoder ring. I'm still trying to figure the weird patterns on my bathroom ceiling.

Jelly Beans and Peeps never lasted more than 10 seconds in my possession. One and a half seconds to put it in my mouth, and two to start choking on the thing.

The rest of that time was spent trying to garner sympathy form my parents, while reaching down in the basket for another one.

Tina said...

I love it. I've never gotten an easter egg in my whole life:(

I feel like I'm really missing out on "looks like chocolate, smells like something else."

Steph said...

What on earth is a chick tract? I keep reading it as a sh*t track! Thank god they are only found in like 5% of all eggs :)

Funnyrunner said...

lasciviously- fantastic word, my compliments! Don't bother with the Peeps, by the way. They are laborious to chew and not at all worth the calories. In a word? bleagh!

Chinaren said...

Hey, I like Jelly Beans!

Shawn said...

C.B.: Yeah, I was never one to conserve my Easter candy (to put it mildly)

Tina: You've NEVER gotten an Easter egg? You need to seek out a public hunt as your next outing.

Steph: It's only known as a "shit track" by its true admirers.

Funnyrunner: I'll take your advice on the Peeps. They didn't look like anything too appetizing. Although if I was running 6+ miles a day, the last thing I'd be worried about is calories.

Chinaren: I knew there had to be someone out there eating them.

Thinkinfyou said...

Oh shit! Sunday is Easter!! Thanks for the reminder....my kids would have been so pissed!

I Hate Commercials said...

nothing says easter like brown easter eggs hahaha

ReformingGeek said...

Thanks for the explanation of Chick Tract. I had never heard that term.

Melted chocolate stuff is the worst thing I've found in an Easter egg. Ick!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

bwaHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love your mad presentation skillz!

Kris said...

My son, Mr. Shark eficianado (sp?), loves your blog pic.

Chris said...

I got an easter egg this year (first time in about 7 years) ... then I got sick. I now hate easter except for the fact that I get the day off ... hooray for holidays.

Hindleyite said...

HAHAH! Those jellybeans in Easter eggs suck.

Shawn said...

Thinkinfyou: Glad I could serve as a personal reminder service.

I hate commercials: They come from brown chickens.

Reforming: Yeah, midday Easter eggs hunts can be dangerous in the warmer climes.

NGIP: Thanx yo!

Kris: There's something for everyone.

Chris: You have to avoid the ones that smell like fish.

Hindleyite: Yes, yes they do. Especially the black ones.

Kirsten said...

"Chick Tract"? I don't know what that is. Enough with your high brow humor!

Kirsten said...

I just googled, "Chick Tract". Now I'm in your inner circle!

brookeamanda said...

Thanks for enlightening me on what a Chick Tract is! I, too, thought it was just chick poop until now.

RockstarMama said...

Very thoughtful and thorough presentation. Perhaps next a PowerPoint on Memorial Day weekend celebration ideas.

My fave thing about Easter is finding that damn sparkly grass everywhere for months. Stupid grass.

alantru said...

I alwasy thought that there were rabbit snouts and unused bunny scraps in them. Thanks for clearing this up.

Helen said...

and those nasty peeps.

no that's not ghetto slang for "people". :D

Shawn said...

Kirsten: Thanks for being the first, and probably last, person to call my humor "highbrow"! Welcome to the inner circle. Meetings are on Wednesdays. Bring a snack for the whole group.

Brookeamanda: No problem, I'm glad I could introduce the concept of the Chick Tract to so many.

RockstarMama: Thank you very much. And yeah, that grass. It's like green tinsel.

Alan: No, those are things found in a psycho's Easter egg.

Helen: Yes it is , yo. Holla!

myconversations said...

word to yo mutha

The Stabbing Pen said...

We're not 11, just have the maturity of 11 year olds.

Wendy said...

I put aspirin and bandaids in our plastic eggs because our family does full-contact easter egg hunting. It's great fun (til someone puts an eye out)!