10 April 2009

Greg Duberson's Easter Sale

[Even the Shark Tank has to pay the bills somehow, so for today's entry I'm turning the wheel over to Greg Duberson. Duberson is the "undisputed king of Easter and also every holiday" and is here to tell you about some of the wonderful products he's selling this year. Take it away, Greg!]


Greg Duberson's Easter Extravaganza!!


It's such an honor and a privelege that Shawn and The Shark Tank are letting me come here and tell you all about the great and COOL stuff I have to sell to you on this great Easter holiday! As you know, Easter is all about the coming of the Jesus and how he died for our SINS! But it's not the least bit of a sin for you to come out to my shop and take a look at some of the great Easter PRESENTS that will make your loved ones stand up and shout "The Easter Holiday is the best in the WORLD!"

No more talking about it! More Getting to the PROGRAM!



JESUS BASEBALL CARD!





This card is RARE! I don't think it has anything to do with the real Jesus in the Bible but it sure would be a funny gift for someone in your family if they liked baseball and they also liked the Bible! One time I was at a baseball game on EASTER day and I bought a bag of peanuts from that guy who's always going around yelling about peanuts and beer. He threw the bag at me and I wasn't even looking. It hit me in the face! I started laughing but I really didn't think it was funny and later I tried to sue them but I didn't really know how to do that so nothing ever happened. $9.50.



JUICE BOX!





I don't know if you go to church or not but if you don't then you should because you won't be saved if you just go around thinking mean thoughts and stealing mail from other people's mailboxes. Anyway, sometimes at church they have comunionn, which is where you drink some grape juice and eat a cracker. Now you can do this yourself or you can take it to church and save the church from having to use up so much of their own grape juice! $1.00


EGG HOME!





A lot of times people get eggs at Easter and they HIDE them around the yard or around the house. But then maybe the kids find the eggs and don't have any place to put them because eggs roll around and sometimes they get lost FOREVER! If you get this little egg home, your kids can put their eggs inside and then they wont loose them before its time to find the candy or paint them or whatveer! I had some real EGGS in the home before, but they started to smell really bad like when you poop so I had to get rid of them. The egg home still smells a little like that. $3.00.


RABBIT JERKY!




I almost dont even want to sell this pack of rabbit JERKY because it's so delishhh! It says on the front of the package that its supposed to be just for dogs but I can tell you from my own opinion that you shouldn't even THINK about giving it to your dog. It's way too good for that! Also every time I talk about rabbit jerky or beef jerky I think about the JERKY BOYS! Remember them from back in the day? They were so funny when they would call people up and be like, "Ha, what's up, jerky!" $5.50


Well that's all I'm going to tell you about because if I keep showing you all the stuff I have you won't even have any surprises when you come out to see me! I didn't even tell you about the best thing because Shawn said that it might be illegal to put it up on the Internet. But it's not I'm pretty sure. It's just kinda weird. Anyway, the sale is open Saturday and Sunday, sun or rain! Just go back behind the Freevale Trailer Park in Ybor City, FL, and you'll see a van with the words "EASTER EASTER COME GET YOUR EASTER" on the side and that'll be me!

25 comments:

Margo said...

Rabbit jerky? I don't think I'd even eat that in the aftermath of a hurricane. But dogs are people too, so that's cool... I'll give them to my dog. Protein is important so I'll eat all the old Easter eggs found under sofa cushions.

Jeff Tompkins said...

I too an intrigued by the rabbit jerky. It's right up there with that English snack: squirrel flavored potato "crisps"...which I am not kidding about.

Jeff Tompkins said...

I screwed up in the comment above, not only with the typo "an" when I meant to write "am," but also because I left out a very important key fact about the squirrel crisps. They are cajun flavored. See?

Heather Cherry said...

I just traded my blog for a used Sham-Wow at a flea market thanks to how funny this post was. Way to go Shawn! Er, Greg. Quit makin' me look bad!

Hit 40 said...

I guess I should be into this? I have worn the same pair of sweats all week for spring break!!!!

ReformingGeek said...

I think the baseball card is just as good of a depiction of Jesus as what we see elsewhere.

Rabbit jerky? Hum...

I love the bring your own grape juice. I'm injected wine inside mine!

Shawn said...

Margo: It may come as a surprise to learn that plastic is not the best source of protein. Unless you meant actual eggs in the cushions. I guess that's okay.

Jeff: Now, does that mean they are squirrel flavored chips that have been prepared Cajun-style, or that they taste like a squirrel from New Orleans?

Heather: Aw, dude, I told you I would give you three pens and an old Buckcherry CD for it.

Hit 40: Sounds like you might already be into the "grape juice", too.

Reforming: Better hope no one asks to inspect your juice box.

Winky Twinky said...

Well, it's Friday, and I definitely have an alternative to the juice box (grin), although I don't think I'll take it to church ... Anyway, I don't have a dog, but my kitty would like to know if that jerky is real rabbit...'cause she hasn't yet been able to catch one herself... She just might succeed this holiday weekend though, she's setting up camp in the backyard to hunt the Easter Bunny!

Marissa said...

If I have to bring my own grape juice box to church, it's only fair that I take a dollar out of the collection plate when it comes around. Cha-ching!

Phillipia said...

I have been looking all over for an egg house. I have been needing somewhere to keep the eggs the kids miss for next year...Last year, I just gave them back to the hens - let them have a day of rest.

Chris said...

Shotgun the 'Egg Home'. I haven't seen one of those in years.

Heather Cherry said...

Hm... I dunno. This Sham-Wow's pretty nice. I'll think about it, I guess. I do kind of like Buckcherry. And pens.

Also, the ushers at my church are careful to inspect each and every juicebox that enters the premises. They're like the Juicy-Juice Gestapo.

Shawn said...

Winky: Well, I'm sure it's real rabbit jerky. Knowing Greg, he probably made it himself using...only the most sanitary practices.

Marissa: Isn't that what the plate is for?

Phillipia: They are rare, indeed.

Chris: Greg assures me that he will put it aside for you.

Heather: You should take to calling them that, providing no explanation whatsoever.

Funnyrunner said...

$3 isn't enough for the egg home; you're leaving money on the table!

JerseyGirl said...

"i've brought snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacks."

-a.

lilaphase said...

I would go to the sale, but I gave up Easter for Lent.

Wendy said...

I would buy that juice if he'd been marketing it as a whole package deal complete with the cracker. Tell Greg he needs to step up his marketing game.

dani c said...

Can I get the egg home and juice box [please..

Shawn said...

Funnyrunner: Greg certainly knows how to deliver a bargain.

JG: Sense. Your comment makes none.

lilaphase: I don't...huh...I don't know if that's how it's supposed to...

Wendy: Well sometimes Greg offers specials to those who go visit him at his van. You should think about it.

Dani: No promises, Greg's items are first come, first serve. Unless the cops show up, then it's a free for all.

Jen said...

Let me know when you get cajun squirrel jerky and I'll be all over it. I could use one of those egg homes however. What a great idea.

Sherry said...

Sorry you can't have sharp things! Thanks for visiting my site today.

You are quite creative - and funny!

dizzblnd said...

mmmmmmm rabbit jerky.. does it taste like chicken or bacon? Is it BETTER than squeeze bacon?

Shawn said...

Jen: If they ever come out with cajun squirrel jerky, I'm going vegetarian.

Sherry: No problemo. Thanks.

Dizzblnd: Is anything?

Jenn Thorson said...

Gosh, now my Easter eggs can all go home, like Jesus Ugeto when he hits one out of the park!

I SO need this stuff!

Shawn said...

Jenn: You missed the sale, though! Oh well, Greg will be back with more top notch stuff on the next holiday.