Frank Wilson Wants To Save Your Soul

[The Shark Tank is happy to welcome local preacher, the Reverend Frank Wilson. Frank is having some difficulties raising funds towards building his own church, and I told him it would be just fine if he were to write a post to get the word out. As well as The Word.]

Thanks for coming to read my words here, friends and family. Though this is a sinful blog, I'm not like other preachers who are too good to share the gospel with the unwashed masses. A lot of clergymen think that they can fulfill themselves just by preaching to the converted, but not I. I like to get down in the dirt and scratch around. And I can't think of any dirtier people than those in my community and those that read this website.

Any of you reading this should go and get a loved one, especially if you have a child. Have them read my words along with you and read it to them if they can't read it for themselves. Jesus said "To read it yourself is to believe it with all of your heart" and I think that's true. And you will believe my words.



You see, most of you are doomed to Hell. It says in Mary 12:29, "Thou arte probably going to Hell". It doesn't say "maybe" or "perhaps". It says probably. That means it's more likely than not. I'll wait while you read this to your child. If your child doesn't know what Hell is, you should read them this passage from Elkwinds 4:13:02, "Hell is a terrible place where children are burned with fire and then beaten with hammers and then bamboo shoots are forced under their fingernails and then they are bodyslammed." Does that sound like the place you want to spend eternity? No, me neither.

Phurlucians 11:93 states, "If ever someone comes to you asking for money to start a church and thouest say no to them, then thou shalt surely be eaten by a werewolf." This is nothing to play around with. But there are ways around it. Because I'm starting a church. And I need some startup capital. Therefore, you really have a choice to make, and you know the consequences are dire for making the wrong choice.

It's like the story of the Devil and the Lamb. Paraphrased from the gospel of Levinthite: Once there was a lamb. A big lion came and asked him for money to spend on foolish things. The lamb said no. But then the Devil laughed and ate the lamb, because the Devil was hungry. The lion then tried to eat both the Devil and the lamb inside the Devil's stomach, but the Devil put the Cruciatus Curse on the lion and the lion soon died.



Send donations through Paypal @ Frank Wilson:Reverend of the Frank Wilson@ Church @ Frank Wilson's Church fund.doc (Thanks to Shawn for setting up my email).