20 May 2009

2 Sides 2 A Story: Would a Baby Make a Good President?

Side 1: A Baby Would Make a Terrible President
by Jack Lerner, Editor-in-Chief, Politics and Power

In the U.S. Constitution, it is written than a person shall be 35 years old and a natural born citizen to be considered for the Presidency. Some have suggested these rules are outmoded and ripe for amendment. They say this in the hopes of one day electing Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or with the spurious reasoning that there are brilliant young minds out there that may become corrupted and dull with the years. These reasons I can abide. But what I cannot abide--what I will NEVER stand for--is the small but vocal minority of voters who believe the time has come to elect a newborn baby President of the United States.

Simply put, electing an infant as President would be a disaster in every sense and definition of the word. Think back to when you were a baby, if you can. Were you competent enough to run a country at the age of zero? Are the babies you know capable of such a thing? Highly doubtful.

If being President meant spitting up on a bib, drinking milk from a warmed bottle, and chewing on a pacifier, then by all means. But that is not what the Presidency is about. It is about wisdom, leadership, and charisma. You show me the smartest baby in the world and I will show you a person who has none of those characteristics.

Please, for the sake of the country, a baby should never be sent to the White House.



Side 2: A Baby Would Make a Wonderful President
by Jayden Adams, Age 6 months

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjfbnigbyh459pbver nfjfvcn43puyfho 2u34hquo hfiobnlp234utr[24u3oholfn243oj[243opfjowrehg43owughowr3eguhlwrefgnldsj wfhweorwrefgwe [fjwpeifjweopfhowegjpwre kjfikwejfgiwre0t23o45y23085ui2jm3fdasmclsl;dnv spd]ovsd-9gvwgqwe-]=r0 ijegrfgrnekgnrenfgin43weifjoewkrfhwehtuhreuthnf243582304jrfnlwe
fkjnfn43oi43of243kfnweuhfuni ncwejnfwejtfwemflweigopiwrejgimregvedskgweorij;2q3oekqwpr
dlvcnwelfjnwelgwegkwenfglwreknglwreknglweknflkwemflwhenflwnelrfnwldnc2ow3er823450843024u3
34523rj2werhjbdjfbnwsgtywrettbthtisekkflktubhivtuvtub popkpjunkgiyhojnoj

40 comments:

Winky Twinky said...

Side 2: You just might have something there...btw, whlitnwijpenkajamies??

Mike said...

I'd vote for the baby. I mean, drinking milk from a warm bottle, pacifiers, temper tantrums - wasn't that the last president?

mama-face said...

Isn't that president speak anyways?

icmdbdeiklediscsidodn.

fun to type that way.

freetheunicorns said...

For some reason I don't feel like this would be the first time someone had to change the President's diaper.

nipsy said...

Agree completely. As for which I agree with... ashgfkahstruhalkhnlda..

I think as my 6 year old says "It's all about the choices mom".

My boy has more wisdom in his pinky than any president over the last 15 years.

Scott Oglesby said...

I would even offer to be the campaign manager. This baby is definitely not a Washington insider!
He is #1 at ‘thinking outside the box’, and is non-partisan and non-colicky! Vote for the bambino!!

VE said...

You can't argue with that baby's logic!

Shawn said...

Winky: Interesting question. I'll pass it along to our guest commentator. He'll peruse it over a nice meal of dry Cheerios.

Mike: Well, he was definitely drinking from a bottle.

Mama-face: It does closely resemble what I hear in press conferences half the time.

FTU: Hmm, good point. If there's no age limit on the other side, why 35?

Nipsy: It sounds like it. He should run for local office immediately.

Scott: Vote for the bambino! I can see the campaign ads already.

VE: You could, but I don't know that I'd want to.

Nate Fakes said...

A baby would've been much better than a few of our past presidents - although - a few of them I suppose you could consider them "babies" anyhow.

Jenn Thorson said...

Well, we pretty much have a baby as Mayor here in Pittsburgh. And we know we have a lot of big babies in the house and senate already...

Plus, press conferences would be short, and I bet no one would throw shoes but the president himself.

Quirkyloon said...

LMBO!

You just can't "abide" by this possibility, eh?

Well, maybe you should open your mind to new possibilites. You never know when something absurd might actually work!

heh heh

Embrace the babies! They have rights too!

C.B. Jones said...

One would think Jayden's bias would hinder his side of the argument in some way.

One would be wrong, as it actually makes his point at least 10% clearer.

Maureen said...

I could understand what Jayden was saying way more than your recent ex-Prez... now THAT was babble!

Jeff Tompkins said...

Ha! Let's see if Maureen Dowd plagiarizes THIS one.

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

I'm voting for Jayden. Hands down.

Funny as always, Sharky.

George said...

You know how they say being President ages you? By the time that baby completes his first term, he'll look like a 16 year old.

Shawn said...

Nate: True, although they technically were older.

Jenn: Excellent point. It would be gratifying to see a shoe thrown at the President, only for him to begin chewing on it.

Quirky: Hey, I'm undecided. There are some really good arguments, especially those put forth by Jayden.

C.B.: Indeed. Sometimes it's that first person passion that makes all the difference.

Maureen: It wasn't grammatically correct, nor did it come within throwing distance of a coherent word. Hmm, I see what you mean.

Jeff: Hey, her "friend" could read The Shark Tank, you never know.

Chris: A lot of support for baby's rights.

George: Very true. He'll be shaving at the age of three.

ReformingGeek said...

Babies, Zombies, Whoever is currently in office; about the same to me. ;-)

NotAMonkeyOwnerButOnHoliday said...

I'm thinking a baby or ....... a monkey. Thoughts?

Thinkinfyou said...

I'd vote for the baby,at least you could teach it!

Marissa said...

As long as the Vice President is at least 8 years-old and can make decisions while the President is napping.

Dave said...

So Shawn, what's next--asserting that a DEAD person cannot be fit to serve as president? Are you some kind of anarchist or something?

Shawn said...

Reforming: I would fully support a zombie President. Especially if the alternative was being devoured.

VacationSansMonkey: I see. You're over here for two days and now you think you have a say in our electoral process. I think not. ;)

Thinkin: True enough. We would have to make sure its teachers were not evil.

Marissa: Good point. What do you think Cheney was like at age 8?

Dave: Hey, I just report impartially. I think a dead person would make a fine Prez. They certainly couldn't screw things up any worse than they were when he was elected.

Dalton J. Fox said...

Jayden wins that argument, hands down.

ettarose said...

Hey Shawn, ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto, did I ditto all these enough?

bbc said...

That stupid kid doesn’t have a clue!

“jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjfbnigbyh459pbver nfjfvcn43puyfho 2u34hquo hfiobnlp234utr[24u3oholfn243oj”

What has he never heard of freedom of speech? Fascist tyke!

And… “kjfikwejfgiwre0t23o45y23085ui2jm3fdasmclsl;dnv spd]ovsd-9gvwgqwe-]=r0”

Um, slavery ended a long time ago, kid. That’s just sickening. Grow the fuck up, junior. And fast.

As for “ncwejnfwejtfwemflweigopiwrejgimregvedskgweorij;2q3oekqwpr
dlvcnwelfjnwelgwegkwenfglwreknglwreknglweknflkwemflwhenflwnelrfnwldnc2ow3er823450843024u3”

What’s that? Legalize it? Well, okay, you make one good point…

Shawn said...

Dalton: It's good that you said that. He was going to throw a huge tantrum otherwise.

Ettarose: Actually, you needed six more dittos.

Bluesies: Finally, someone who speaks baby. Sounds like Jayden has some pretty radical ideas. If only more people knew what they were.

Marissa said...

At age 8, Cheney was "accidentally" shooting his friends with real guns when they'd play cops and robbers.

The Hussy Housewife said...

I also think it would be along the lines of child endangerment and child abuse..cause who wants that effing job? Not me!!

RaBT said...

I'd make a case for other animals too - have you guys seen that Charlotte's Web? That spider had some pretty good ideas, and who doesn't like cartoons? There is nowhere in the constitution that the president has to be "human" is there? :0

Wendy said...

I'd vote for the e*trade baby for President.

Shawn said...

Marissa: Ah, a pattern emerges. He was probably using "enhanced interrogation techniques" on them as well.

Hussy: True enough. But you would at least go down in history.

RaBT: Not that I know of. That opens up a whole world of possibilities. Animals, robots, ham sandwiches.

Wendy: That baby kinda creeps me out. No vote from me.

Margo said...

Go Jayden! That it's some sophisticated secret code he's got there. If he has a mother who would move with him to the White House, I feel confident everything would be just fine. Not just so he won't have to CHANGE his own diapers, but she can be sure his Blackberry is charged.

otin said...

Imagine that someone as smart as a six month old was elected president, we'd probably end up fighting some needless war somewhere!

bearmancartoons said...

Instead of banging his shoe on the table at the UN he could bang a dirty diaper. That would get attention.

Vivienne said...

The arguments for and against Baby for President are compelling. My only real concern is this: When we smell a load of shit coming from Washington, how do we know if it's policy or a doody diaper...?

Shawn said...

Margo: Yeah, I think it goes without saying that Baby President would need a First Mother. Although I'm sure Secret Service could get him all the Leapfrog games he wanted.

Otin: Come on now. Even a baby wouldn't do that to us.

Bearman: And if it didn't, he could just throw the dirty diaper.

Vivienne: Let me ask you this: how do we know now? Hmm? Hmmmm? I don't know what I'm getting at.

James said...

At least a baby is innocent enough to care only about his basic needs and not to bankrupt the entire nation with debts.

Music Medic said...

Ha! Thanks for the laughs!

RockstarMama said...

My twins could do it. Just like those kids on Full House--one naps or poops, while the other one fills in. Just like Bush & Cheney. Except mine are a boy & girl... eh, nobody would notice.