11 May 2009

Monday Movie Reviews

Back To The Future (1973)
The strange tale of a boy named Marty McFly and his attempt to make the world's first solar powered train. There's a lot I could say about this movie. The soundtrack, featuring such hits as "Locomotion" by Kylie Minogue and "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins is commendable and will have you dancing in your seat. The first time I saw this movie I was perplexed by the subplot, involving Doc Brown's insidious machinations to create life from a pinecone, but now I see it as a metaphor for the evils of corporate greed. This one was definitely ahead of its time. Starring Crispin Glover and Weird Al Yankovic. 4 stars from a possible 29.


Rocky (1921)

Rocky Balboa, a down on his luck boxer, has his life transformed when he discovers the healing properties of acupuncture and finds a strange sort of love with a homeless porcupine. Though not for all tastes, Rocky blends fantasy and reality in an exuberant stew, topped off with a dash of melancholy when the porcupine strikes it rich and leaves his friend to fend for himself. Starring Sylvester Stallone and Angelina Jolie. 9 stars from a possible 11.


Mary Poppins (2003)
An inner city school teacher is thrown in prison after raping a student with an umbrella. In this supposedly heartwarming tale, both teacher and student find themselves lost in a justice system that is both racist and too convoluted to care about the little guy. I found myself unable to connect with the characters in this film, particularly in light of the superior Glengarry Glen Ross, which came out the same year and tackled similar themes. As of this writing, Mary Poppins is sealed in the Disney vault. Starring Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Willem Dafoe. 66 stars from a possible 2,321.

33 comments:

NotProudMonkeyOwner said...

I'm with the rocky show. 9 out of a possible 11 - who can argue with that?

Winky Twinky said...

...A homeless porcupine? LOL... I remember Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake...but what's up with Mary Poppins?

Knightmedic said...

hahahaha

brookeamanda said...

I've seen all three of these classic movies and agree with your reviews wholeheartedly.

Jeff Tompkins said...

Aside from a good laugh, the other thing this post did for me was guarantee at least several hours of walking around singing "Footloose" in my head. It's turning out to be several days of Kenny Loggins, because I watched Top Gun the other night and had "Danger Zone" (or whatever it's called) stuck in my head for a while. Blogs should come with a Kenny-chip.

Shawn said...

NotProudMonkeyOwner: It should be noted that I am in love with your new name. Never change it.

Winky: What's up with her, indeed?

Knightmedic: Yeah, well, that's just like your opinion man.

Brooke: How could you not?

Jeff: Loggins is the master of the "get it stuck in your head" song. With an honorable mention to Biz Markie.

Thinkinfyou said...

You aren't making much sense to me this morning...plus you called one of my readers a girl when he's really packing a penis....it wasn't very nice of you!

Quirkyloon said...

Oh Shawn so sad you have obviously been deprived. Have ye never seen the "Zack to the Future?" It's a playful remake of the original starring Zombie Zack who travels to the future and back with brain guts spilling out of his mouth.

Check it out. You won't be disappointed.

ReformingGeek said...

You mean I've missed the point all these years? I thought the point of Back to the Future was for Marty to fix the past so that he was the one at the top of the Ponzie scheme.

Blue Balls the Clown said...

Three of my favorite movies of all time. The tear-inducing closing scene, from Rocky (1921) in which the porcupine leaves Rocky, is one of the greatest moments in movies. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

Shawn said...

Thinkinfyou: I keep making that mistake.

Quirky: I'm heading over to Netflix right now!

Reforming: I think that was one of the later sequels.

BBC: Hee hee. That's all.

Dave said...

I initially had difficulty following the plots included in each of your reviews. Then, I recorded it on tape and played it backwards while looking at it in a mirror. Unfortunately, the only thing I got out of that was a knot on my head when I misjudged the distance between where I was standing and the mirror. Otherwise, funny.

ettarose said...

Mary Poppins and an umbrella? I thought she was a gay female impersonator? Shows you what I know.

Jenn Thorson said...

Hmm.... I suspect I need more coffee. I feel strangely like I might have seen the remakes of these...

There might have been some plot changes from the originals.

Heather Cherry said...

You... you got what I need... and you say he's just a friend... and you say he's just a fr-

Oh... what? Sorry, I was just singing a song that was stuck in my head.

VE said...

Mary Poppins was a firm nanny...I won't say more about that...

otin said...

Lets not forget the superhero favorite "Spider Rainman", he was not much of a crime fighter, but he could count how many webs he left hanging all over the city with just a glance. Definetly K-Mart!

Shawn said...

Dave: That's my bad. I should have included a disclaimer.

Ettarose: That could have been part of it, too. I don't know, people were talking and I missed some of the pertinent plot points.

Jenn: Most of these posts are best read first thing in the morning, before you're fully awake. Well, that's how they're written, anyway.

Heather: Curse you and your whole family!

VE: With a firm fanny. Mmm-hmm.

Otin: I think Spider Rainman was in the beginning of Rocky, actually.

bearmancartoons said...

Sings "oh baby Youuuuuuuuuuuuuu...you got what I need"

Damn't Shawn.

Dalton J. Fox said...

I gotta make sure to look for that Mary Poppins flick on DVD. I'm guessing the $5 bin at Wal-Mart. Most Brutus Beefcake movies can be found there.

Marissa said...

I do remember these movies. One of them was the prequel to the sequel to the finale.

Shawn said...

Bearman: No! It was Heather! Stop that!

Dalton: I can't even go near the $5 bin at the Wal-Marts around here. People are in there going nuts, tossing DVDs this way and that, certain they're going to find...I don't even know what. Gold, one would think.

Marissa: I don't know if you remember it so much as you never knew you forgot it before.

Formerly Homeless Porcupine said...

There are certain things one shouldn't joke about and definitely one of those things are the love between and man and his porcupine.

freetheunicorns said...

That was porcupine in Rocky? Huh, I always thought it was a skunk. And that Doc Brown, what a scally wag. But only 4 out of 29. I would have given Back to the Future at least 19 out of 29.

Bill Austin said...

Your site has won a Blog of the Day Award (BOTDA)


Your award will go live sometime on May 15, 2009


Award Code
Thank you,


Bill Austin

Shawn said...

FHP: You're absolutely right, particularly when there could be Feds reading this blog.

FTU: Hmm, now that you mention it, it could have been a skunk. Maybe even a hedgehog.

Bill: Awesome, I'll throw up the badge and a link on Friday.

Kirsten said...

Wow! You're deep insight really makes me realize just how much I missed! Thanks!

otin said...

About the hd tvs, aren't Moms frustrating? My mom could have an appliance with one button only, the button could say power and my mom would say," How the hell do you turn this thing on"? LOL! Forget about trying to explain HDTV haha!

bearmancartoons said...

"Jeff: Loggins is the master of the "get it stuck in your head" song. With an honorable mention to Biz Markie."

Now don't blame it on Heather...what other Biz Markie song do you know.

Shawn said...

Kirsten: I am deep insight.

Otin: My mom can sure set a VCR, though.

Bearman: Well...there was, um...but later on, he had that one song, what was it called...ah shit, okay you win.

Mike said...

I think Michael J Fox should make another back to the future, but this time he plays his future self and someone else plays his younger self who visits his future self.

Would that suck or what!

I'm an ass.

George said...

Wow! I'm gonna have to check some of these flicks out. Thanks for the great recommendations, Shawn. Although I must disagree with you on Rocky. Angelina Jolie was portraying an aardvark, not a porcupine. Honest mistake, though.

Shawn said...

Mike: I would love to see that, if only that it meant Fox had been cured of his Parkinson's.

George: Ahh, an aardvark. Yeah, I'm never really sure what those look like. I'll have to check it out on Wikipedia. Which brings me to...