03 April 2009

My Girlfriend Is The Best


They say Valentine's Day is just a corporate holiday, built up by the greeting card industry, with very little to do with real love. That's why I wanted to take this time, far removed from the pressures of a commercialized holiday, to pay tribute to my girlfriend. She is the love of my life and, as you'll see, she's the greatest girl a guy could possibly wish for.

All right, so you don't believe me. You're sitting there, smugly thinking, yeah, this guy is full of it. No girl is this awesome. Well, allow me to retort. Here are just a few examples of why my girlfriend is beyond awesome.

Just last week I was looking through her dresser trying to find a pen. What do I see but a receipt from Frederick's of Hollywood for three items of lingerie. The receipt was dated for December, but I had yet to see any of the new lingerie! That's what I love about her. She has the greatest ability to buy something like that, and then wait for just the right time to show it off! It could be months down the road! She loves to surprise me!

Or wait, how about this. For the last five weekends, she's had to stay at a friend's house because of various apartment problems (spraying for termites, fire inspection, Daylight Savings Time, etc.). Unfortunately, her friend doesn't have a phone and my girlfriend's cell phone can't get reception in that area. And because this friend works in the CIA, I can't come visit her on these weekends. You would think that something like that would put undue stress on a relationship, but no! It doesn't because she is so thoughtful. She always remembers to send me a little smiley face text message on Friday afternoon, and then lets me come over and nap with her on Sundays when she's able to return home. The last part is really nice, because she always seem so tired after staying over at her friend's house. I guess the beds there are really stiff.



Pictured: Our unbreakable bond


Those are two of the big examples, but there's just so many I could name. How about when she bought me that new button down Ralph Lauren shirt? She didn't even tell me about it, I just found it hanging in her closet. She had even sprayed some cologne on it so it wouldn't have that weird out-of-the-store smell. Unfortunately it was way too big for me (I guess she's not the greatest judge of sizes), but it was the thought that counted.

Or the time I got so angry when I saw the last twenty calls on her phone were from some dude named Jason. But then I felt like a complete ass when she explained that Jason was a girl. She didn't even get mad at my outburst, or my ignorance that Jason could be a girl's name. It was like I was instantly forgiven. She's such an angel.

I guess it's kinda sappy to dedicate a whole blog post to my girlfriend, but that's just the sappy kind of guy I am. Anyway, I gotta run. Sometimes my girlfriend has to work until late (almost 3:00 A.M. some nights!), and I like to bring her breakfast the next morning. It's the least she deserves!

36 comments:

dizzblnd said...

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she sounds like a peach! Very thoughtful too. But.. ahem.. I would do a background check on this Jason "girl" you know.. just in case she is a hermaphrodite or a drag queen. I'm just lookin out for ya

Da Old Man said...

She's a keeper, Dude. You are so blessed.

Carl said...

If you ever, EVAH, lose her, it's your own darn fault. If that ever, EVAH, happens, you should beg for her forgiveness. If you need counseling, I know Lindsay Lohan's therapist. Let me know and I'll give you the number.

Angry Max said...

She sounds great. And her friend Jason sounds hot. I'll bet she is.

Marissa said...

So sweet... Love really IS blind!

Oh for Pete's sake - take off that damn unbreakable bond chain from around your neck, get some clothes on, and walk upright like a REAL...Shark!

Soda and Candy said...

And it was super nice of you to let her spend the real Valentine's Day with Jason since it can be a tough day for a single girl to get through.

alantru said...

I don’t know how to break this to… Your bliss seems to serene, and your serenity so blissful. Please don’t shoot the messenger. This is difficult, but I do believe you need to know the truth… But… I think you’re wonderful girlfriend bought you a used Ralph Lauren shirt. It’s the only reason I can figure that it would smell of cologne. I’m not sure if you should ask her about this… Still, honesty is important. And I’m sure she has a perfectly good explanation.

Shawn said...

dizzblnd: I do have problems identifying those people...

Da Old Man: I know, it's true.

Carl: I dread that every day. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be good enough to deserve her.

Max: yeah he does. I mean, she. Damn, I can't stop making that mistake.

Marissa: I don't know WHAT you are talking about. If I'm blind, it's only because of the brightness of my girlfriend's radiant goodness.

Soda and Candy: Well, she said it would be the perfect way for us to stick it to the establishment. I suggested we could just "stay in", but she insisted that only by not even seeing each other that day would we make any real statement. She's just so much smarter and cooler than me, it's crazy. I don't even argue.

Alan: Yikes, I never thought of that. Well, I can't honestly blame her. Those shirts are expensive.

Jenn Thorson said...

I bet there's a Hallmark card for this...

Well, okay, no. There probably isn't.

But there should be. :)

C.B. Jones said...

If I were you...scratch that...I think you should get your girl friend to set up a three way with this "Jason" err "girl". If she really is that terrific, it should be no problem.

Heather Cherry said...

Wow, Jersey Girl, will you marry ME?

Sorry to try and steal her, Hawn, but she just sounds too awesome.

Shawn said...

Jenn: For undying love between a guy and a girl who is awesome beyond words? They have tons of those. Why do I feel like some of these comments are leaving things unsaid?

C.B.: I need no 3 ways, nor even sex. She has taught me that occasional kissing is better.

Heather: Don't even try it!

Jen said...

She is a keeper. She is just like my first ex husband. Extremely thoughtful. He was so good to me he sold my camera I got for graduation to some hooker since he knew I wanted to get a new one. He was so thoughtful he was even willing to barter with her for services. Each day I beat myself over the head for letting that one get away.

JerseyGirl said...

oh...hey, i can't remember if i told you or not, but...i'm going on a cruise the week after next.

i bought a ticket for you to come, but...jason's been having a rough week so i gave it to him.

...i mean her.

lilaphase said...

Wow - I'm taking notes, so I can be as deceitful, I mean seductive as she!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Wow. You are one hell of a lucky guy.

Oh, ignorance is indeed a bliss!

Funnyrunner said...

I don't know what else can be said here except LOL. It's nice to look at life from a humorous perspective, huh?

Jeff Tompkins said...

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I was just wondering if anyone has seen my Ralph Lauren shirt. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Kthxbye.

Winky Twinky said...

Jeff: Your Ralph Lauren has been found alright....and it's being held for evidence....... You are DEFINITELY being held for questioning......Turn yourself in, or face the conseqences.........

I Hate Commercials said...

definitely hang on to her

Dalton J. Fox said...

Jason? My name isn't Jason! Who else is she ... uhhh ... errr ... nevermind.

Shawn said...

Jen: Wow, what were you thinking??

JG: You're so altruistic and thoughtful. You guys are going to have the best time!

lilaphase: try as you might, she's one of a kind.

Candy's: I know. Ignorance of lesser relationships, you mean, I guess.

Funnyrunner: There is no other way.

Jeff: I don't think I...uh...hmm

Winky: ...understand...what you guys are...getting at.

I Hate: Of course I will!

Dalton: You're a girl?? I swear I need to brush up on my feminine/masculine names.

Margo said...

Someday we all hope to be so lucky. Congratulations and bless you ! Be sure to take care of her :)

nipsy said...

Ahhhh, if only my man were as ahhh thoughtful.. Maybe it's the tomahawks I keep sharpened for just those occasions.


P.S. It's very hard sitting here telling myself, "I will not pot the sharks bubble, I will not pop the sharks bubble".

P.P.S. Do you often find yourself saying "I do believe in fairies, I do I do"?

daisyduck said...

ah..so sweet :D

Shawn said...

Margo: I will try!

Nipsy: I know, I know. You think a relationship this strong can't last. I get that all the time. I guess we'll just see.

Daisyduck: Sweet is my middle name. Well, when the papers go through, anyway.

Staci said...

So I should be seeing the two of you soon on Maury Povich for a "makeover" show, right? (Only, shh, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but it's really not a makeover show. It's an "I've got a secret" show.)

Chris said...

God. I always thought single had it's benefits but your idealic girlfriend is making me reconsider.

Shawn said...

Staci: Damn, I was looking forward to getting a nice makeover.

Chris: We're changing hearts and minds every day.

ettarose said...

Shawn, I am speechless. Really, if she ever leaves you I am next in line. Who wouldn't want to be your girlfriend?

Verollete said...

shout out from stranger... u are blessed dude!!.. reading ur post gave me the 'AWEE MOMENT' :P whenever u're goin to cheat on her always remember those thoughtful things she did to u. Great Gf deserves to have Great Bf too...

Shawn said...

Ettarose: I dunno...I'm pretty spoiled, as you can see.

Verollete: No doubt. I'll remember!

The Stabbing Pen said...

Are we sure Jason and your gf aren't involved in a lesbian relationship? Depending on who you are, this could either be heartbreaking or lead to the possibility of you know what if you play your cards right.

Anonymous said...

Hehehe, id like to meet this girlfriend of yours! she sounds very giving! espeically to Jason..hmmm I wonder if he is as tired as she is after her weekend visits... or could it be she is sleeping with something "stiff" and it ain't the bed bro!

Anonymous said...

lol, nobody else gets that this is a joke post. No one could be this retarded enough to not understand there girlfriend is f-ing other dudes....

Anonymous said...

Brim over I agree but I contemplate the post should secure more info then it has.