Let's All Go to the CryptoZoo!

The Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and the Abominable Snowman all fall into one category: the pseudoscience of cryptozoology. Wikpedia defines cryptozoology as "The search for animals that fall outside of taxonomic records due to a lack of empirical evidence, but for which anecdotal evidence exists in the form of myths, legends, or undocumented sightings."

I find these creatures endlessly fascinating. Do I necessarily believe there is an ape-man lurking in the Washington forests, frightening hunters and living off the land? No, not really. But I don't necessarily NOT believe, either. There could be such a beast. Even a race of them. Likely? No. Possible? Yes, I think so. But if not Bigfoot, then perhaps Nessie. And if not Nessie, perhaps something else. They could very well be lurking in some misbegotten jungle where no man has stepped foot in many a year. They could be swimming in the bottoms of lakes where townspeople fear to tread. Or, let's face it, they could be hiding in the bushes outside of your house right now. If I were you, I would bring a flashlight with me next time I went outside at night.

The Happy Time CryptoZoo!

Please Don't Feed the Cryptids.


Exhibit #1: BIGFOOT

The creature known as Bigfoot or Sasquatch is probably the most well known of the cryptids. Legends about an ape-like creature in the Pacific Northwest stretch back into the days of the indigenous Indians. In 1967, the infamous Patterson-Grimlin film came to light, claiming to capture the beast on video. The film has been largely debunked since then (including a friend coming forward and claiming to have worn the ape costume in the film), but it nevertheless provides many with the evidence they need to believe. Those who aren't convinced by this film may be interested in checking out more solid evidence that Bigfoot is indeed among us.

Exhibit #2: The Loch Ness Monster

Of all the cryptids, this is my favorite. I think it's because when you look at that vast lake in Scotland, it really does seem possible that a prehistoric creature could be down there. Or maybe it's because illustrations of the ancient plesiosaur (which many Nessie scholars claim the cryptid is) always scared the Loch out of me when I was a kid. But I think most of all it hearkens back to a carcass found by Japanese fisherman in 1977. Though nowhere near Loch Ness, this photo gives irrefutable evidence of a plesiosaur having swam the ocean waters in our lifetimes. Well, depending on how old you are. Take a look and gasp in horror:

Now, this photograph is not without its share of controversy. Because of the horrible stench the carcass gave off, the fishermen quickly threw it back into the ocean. Subsequently, it was never available for detailed research. This has allowed certain scientific killjoys to claim that the carcass has nothing to do with the Loch Ness Monster, a plesiosaur, or anything else that might be halfway fun or wondrous. Instead, they insist that it was nothing more than the rotting corpse of a basking shark.

Well, that thing is even freakier than a plesiosaur. Believe what you want, but I think that this time, science got it wrong!


Exhibit #3. The Abominable Snowman

The Yeti, as he is called in his native land of Tibet, is a creature not unlike Bigfoot, except for his surroundings. I like this one just because I like the word "abominable".


Exhibit #4: Chupacabra

Now we're just getting into some weird crap. Chupacabra (whose name literally translates into "goatsucker") is most often found in Spanish American communities such as Mexico and Puerto Rico. As can be derived from the name, it feeds off livestock, drinking the blood to keep it nourished. Wait. . .that is what you derived from the name, right?


Exhibit #5: The Mongolian Death Worm

If you're ever travelling through the Gobi Desert, you might want to keep an eye out for this fellow. It has a variety of ways in which to kill you, and I don't doubt for a second that it will try each of them in turn. Way number one: spew sulfuric acid on your face and skin. Way number two: kill you with an electric charge from afar. Way number three: you'll likely die of a fear induced heart attack just by seeing a five foot long blood red worm in the middle of the Gobi Desert. What the hell were you doing in the middle of the Gobi Desert, anyway?

YouTube Roundup

Here's some of the YouTube videos from the past couple of weeks that have sparked my interest. Well, some of them might be older, but just came to my attention.

WWE Wrestler Chris Jericho Punches a Girl In The Face



Smartest Bird EVER



George Lucas In Love



David After Dentist



And finally, here's one I implore you to check out. It's a student film from the University of Central Florida. Pretty funny stuff. Am I biased because it stars my brothers? Of course not, never ask such a question.

Perils of College

Mario Kart Wii or, The Simple Pleasures of Hitting Donkey Kong with a Red Koopa Shell

Until playing Mario Kart Wii, my relationship with the Mario Kart series had been lukewarm at best. I enjoyed the series, played each game (although I don't think I ever got around to playing the Gamecube version), and moved on. The Wii version has changed this, for two reasons. First: the steering wheel. What might seem a small innovation is, in fact, almost entirely responsible for the increased fun of this installment. It's so much more satisfying to drive a kart with an actual steering wheel that with a D-pad or whatever that thumb-enemy thing was on the Nintendo 64. When you first examine the steering wheel and see it's nothing more than a plastic casing for the Wiimote, deflated expectations set in. However, with a little play time, this quickly goes away. The steering wheel is pretty basic, but it does what it needs to do, i.e., provide an increased feeling of simulation.

The second reason this installment of the Kart series has enslaved so many of my days: online capabilities. The Wii hasn't gotten a lot of credit for its online multiplayer options, but for this game, it is excellent. While it feels good to defeat Toad, Koopa Troopa, and Bowser in the Grand Prix, it doesn't compare to leaving *Wiiner124* and *RacerXXX* in the dust. Well, at least, I imagine this to be true, since I rarely win an online race.

Of course, as with any video game, frustrations and tensions run high in the world of Mario Kart. I am particularly susceptible to these frustrations, and my vocabulary of expletives grows with each race. Instances that bring out the worst: falling off the track, repeatedly, in SNES Ghost Valley 2; going from 1st place to 12th because some bastard launched a flying shellbomb at my face; falling off the track, repeatedly, in Wario's Gold Mine; and having Error Message 91010 pop up after I've waited forever to start a race.

Still, I've managed to avoid throwing the steering wheel through the TV, so I've graduated in restraint from my days of playing MegaMan on the NES. I tell you, that NES controller could take a licking. The lightgun, on the other hand...

Ridiculously Expensive eBay Auctions

Perusing eBay in preparation for my previous blog, I happened to come across some users who were apparently a little more ambitious than my Masked Merchant alter-ego. Not settling for selling an old Nintendo game for a shiny penny, these users seem perfectly confident selling their wares for millions of dollars. Now, far be it from me to tell these users that their junk isn't worth what they're asking (a glance at completed auctions tells me that the market is doing that job for me), but ... well, let's just take a look.

First on the auction block is this handsome Turkish rug. Now, I have to admit that, as well traveled as I am (I once went as far north as Rochester, NY) I am not an expert in the ways of the Far East. For all I know, this is a perfectly acceptable price for this rug. My only question is whether this particular auction, on this particular website, is the best way to go about getting the full price for this precious artifact.

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21 million dollars is the Buy It Now price. However, judging from the seller's insistence that the price is "inestimable", and this little nugget:

. . .I imagine he would consider any less of an offer to be an insult. I thought about submitting a bid, but it turns out that Turkish rugs are expected to depreciate in the coming fiscal year. Looks like Mr. Pinkerton, the bearskin rug, will be sticking around a while longer.

Next up is a priceless piece of art from someone calling themselves "Chris Riggs for President".

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According to the auction listing, Chris Riggs (for President) is the hottest artist in New York City. Figuring this must be true for what he is charging for his work, I did a simple Google search to find out more about this new Bohemian. After wading through the listings, it seems that most--nay, all--of the websites pertaining to this gentleman are of his own origin (Facebook, personal pages, etc.). It would seem to me that the hottest artist of our time would have at least one or two outside sources regaling us with his story. The listing further claims that he has been featured in over 100 magazines and 20 independent movies. I'm not sure how to verify the magazine claim, but IMDB tells us that he has been in exactly one independent movie: something called The Promise of New York. The movie's synopsis tells us that it is about several nobodies running for Mayor of New York. Well, at least that explains the username. His over-ambition is not limited to his artwork.

Coming in at a comparatively reasonable $990,000 is this:

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That's right, folks, you can own a fork that was used by Elvis Presley (maybe?). The seller even promises that there remains some dried food on the fork. So, for your million dollars you can either buy a house comparable to this:

Or a crusty fork, exactly like this:

Decisions, decisions. . .


While you're thinking about it, take a glance at our final listing of the day, which defies description. Apparently the seller felt the same way:

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No picture is provided of the teddy bear, but the seller is gracious enough to give us this story about how the bear happened to come into her possession:

This is just a white regular Teddy Bear that I have owned for the past year. There is just something special about it. It was handed over to me by this lady at the park. I purchased it from her because she needed money to do something. She told me to sell it to someone else when I also need money. This is just a simple regular looking bear.

I'm bringing my mask out of retirement.

The eBay Blues

My experience selling on the auction giant eBay has been less than prosperous. About two years ago, in another of my genius ideas regarding how to get rich on the Internet (and elsewhere), I decided that I would begin selling old things around the house, buying items at yard sales, and put it all together with a fantastic gimmick to make a million dollars (more or less). The gimmick I had. I would become the "Masked Merchant". I would include a photograph of myself, my head encased in a bedsheet, holding the item up for bidding.

Trusted Seller

As displayed in the photograph, I chose an old Nintendo 64 game, Starfox, as my first item for sale. I figured it wouldn't bring much because A) Nintendo 64 games are not in particularly high demand these days and B) Starfox sucks. But it would be a decent learning experience, and I felt confident that my Masked Merchant gimmick would see me net a profit of at least $10. On this score, I was proven horrendously wrong. My Starfox 64 game sold for the whopping price of .01 after 7 long days of bidding. I had built shipping into the cost, so I wouldn't be out any money, but it wasn't exactly worth my time to sell my estate for a penny at a time.

Believing the fault lied in the merchandise, I made it a point to get up early the following Saturday and make the rounds of the local yard sales. Surely it was only a matter of finding some hidden gems, some precious artifact being sold for a dollar by a clueless housewife, to send me from (head) rags to riches. When I happened upon some cheap Beanie Babies, I knew I had hit the jackpot. I knew about these things. People were crazy about these things! I would make a fortune, and retire off the interest my millions made in a secure bank account. Combined with my masked merchant gimmick, I would not only make a crapton of money, I would become an instant Internet celebrity. I could see it now: spots on the Today Show with Matt Lauer, my own column in Consumer Reports, and a permanent place commenting on the week's stories on VH1's Best Week Ever.

Pictured: Likely Scenario

What I failed to realize was that the Beanie Baby fad had long since come and gone. I had paid approximately $3 for each of the Beanie Babies, and failed to recoup this investment on eBay. The Today Show did not call. I decided that eBay was not my path to living the good life. The dream is not over, though. I know some fool out there is selling a mint condition Furby, unaware of its true value. I just have to wait. . .and strike at the right time.

Star Wars Image Quiz

A little fun today for the geek inside you. The game is simple. Look at the images and see how many of the characters you can name. The pictures cover all six Star Wars films, and--for the most part--are limited to secondary characters to make it a little harder. A hardcore fan should do well. The answers are below the pictures, in spoiler type. May the Force be with you!


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Answers: (click here and drag to see text) #1. Admiral Ackbar, #2. Salacious Crumb, #3. Bib Fortuna, #4. Boba Fett, #5. Greedo, #6. Nute Gunray, #7. Owen Lars, #8. Darth Maul, #9. Sebulba, #10. Chancellor Valorum

US Airways Cheaps Out

Over the years, frivolous lawsuits and the mentality that a percentage of Americans are highly interested in taking corporations for all they can has created a culture that says, "Good! Don't give em anything!" whenever a company sticks it to customers who probably deserve a little more. The case in point is US Airways, and their decision to offer the bare minimum in consolation to the survivors of their unexpected Hudson River landing. Now let me say this. I roll my eyes as much as the next person when McDonald's gets sued for hot coffee or Victoria's Secret gets sued when a woman hits herself in the eye with bejeweled underwear. And, in this instance, I don't believe US Airways particularly owes the passengers of Flight 1549 much of anything. What happened was an act of geese, if not God, and did not come about through airline neglect or pilot error. In fact, as has been celebrated in the media, the pilot did a magnificent job of landing the plane safely and recovering from what could have been a disaster.

On the other hand. . .

US Airways missed out here on what could have been a good opportunity for some really nice PR. To my mind, they have been a little too quick with the self-congratulations and a little too slow on the "Oh man, we are so sorry". As way of compensation, they offered each passenger $10,000 and a golden ticket, which means they can fly for free for the rest of their lives.

Oh wait, no...

It was $7,000 and free upgrades to first class for the rest of their lives.

Er, wait...

Reading the story more closely, I see that it comes to $5,000 per passenger and free upgrades to first class for, um, one year. Cynics, well worn with stories like the McDonald's lawsuit and quick to grumble about our greedy society, say that the passengers should just be glad to be alive. And I'm sure that they are. Still, upgrades to first class for one year? I think they could have done a little better than that.

Disney Discount Tickets

If I make it out to Disney World this year, I'll have to take advantage of this site: MouseSavers.com. They exist solely to provide coupons and discount deals for Disney tickets. Since the other way of getting discounted Disney tickets (sit through a laborious timeshare sales pitch) is not in my quality world, I think I'll make good use of this site. And if you like saving money in general (you know--if you're one of those rare types), I'd recommend checking out The Bargainista Blog for more resources.