Interview with the Debit Machine

There are some great benefits to leaving the cash world behind. No more pockets bulging with worthless coins, no more trying to shove that wrinkled $1 bill into your wallet, and it makes it easier to turn down that guy whose "car broke down just over that hill" when he approaches with breath that smells like a curious mixture of gasoline and NyQuil.

But there are drawbacks as well. No, I'm not talking about those Bible thumpers who think this is one of the signs of the apocalypse (along with the election of Barack Obama, the virgin Mary's appearance in everything from the side of a building to a piece of toast, and the success of MTV's The Hills). I'm talking those annoying debit machines you have to interact with every time you make a purchase. Specifically, the fact that these machines feel the need to interrogate you for fifteen minutes, rather than just get the PIN number and get on with it. I can handle one or two queries. After that, how about you mind your own business, debit machine!



Yes, thank you for asking. I will punch the little green "Yes" button, you can send the information back to the bank, and we can all move on our merry little ways.



That will be fine, thank you. By the way, debit machine, there is a perfectly capable (?) cashier standing right here. I'm sure I would have mentioned any split purchasing to her, rather than just hoping you would bring it up. But anyway, good to go. Let's do it.



God, no. There some grubby little kids outside with their hands out for some stupid school function. No, debit machine. No cash. And that's enough with the questions. Let's move on.



Not especially. I know that Pearl Harbor isn't the best movie of all time, but it's for a friend. Gimme a break.


Ha! I mean, whatever, debit machine, right? Pshhhh...last $15. Maybe I have more than one account? Did you ever think of that? Huh? I could. Don't look at me like that.



Uhhh. Where's a Bible thumper when you need one?