Yahoo Chat: A Cautionary Tale

Chatrooms, sad to say, are a thing of the past. Boredom, on occassion, causes me to forget this truism, and see for myself. After about ten minutes of listening to trailer trash chatters fight over who gets to say "My kid just trahd to jump over tha cowch" I realize I would be better off with a book.

It used to be different. Chatrooms used to be fun. However, they can be dangerous as well. Please read the following story, which is certified 100% true by the Blogging Association of America. If you are tempted to jet back in time and join a chatroom, please remember this tale and use it to your own benefit. My thanks comes in the form of your well being.

It was a warm night, and I had just finished drinking several quarts of Mt. Dew. What was there to do besides log into Yahoo Chat and see what was goin' on? Nothing. Nothing, indeed. Before long, I was pleased to see a new window open up. A private message. Exciting! Even more exciting, it wasn't a chat-bot, enticing me to head over to a website where I could watch cam girls play for pay. It was a real person, with an interesting screenname.


Hot_TV_In_Hollywood. Now this is something worth putting the Mt. Dew down for! My brain started conjuring images of a sexy, blonde, tanned, television star, possibly having just completed work on Baywatch: The Next Generation or some other failed pilot. She wouldn't be famous--even my imagination didn't stretch that far--but she could definitely be hot. And in television. Besides, she had a better nickname then the last girl who PM'd me: Contagious_TB_in_Tampa.



What? Yeah, that's how I roll.



Hmm. Now it should be noted that I had a strong policy in place at that time. That policy was not to click on people's profiles for at least five minutes. Why? Well, I have a weak heart. I once fainted dead away after being sent one of those "Stare at this picture and find the differences and then piss yourself when a screaming zombie suddenly appears" things that were all the rage a few years ago. I found I had much the same reaction when clicking on the photos of Yahoo Chatters. It may be shallow, but I sometimes found myself completely unable to continue a conversation after having seen the wild She-Beast in what I can only assume she thought to be her best picture. Without the five minute policy in place, I would never get to chat with anyone.

However, this time I made an exception, seeing as how she was a television star. And hot. I was disappointed, however, to find a cartoon face where a picture would go. She would not be an easy nut to crack.


Oh yeah, my other policy is to not give my phone number out to psychos on the Internet.

But here I was, going for the gusto. The profile was barely filled out, providing little solid information to go on. That was fine. I would use my smooth heartbreaking sixty-nine-ing interview skills to ferret out the necessary information.

And ferret it out, I did. My question, the final one I would ask, brought a short response of "LOL, no, silly" from my new chat friend. Hmm. Didn't seem that silly. Why would you have the initials "TV" in your screenname if you didn't have something to do with...

...

...television.

I clicked back to her profile, a sinking feeling in my stomach. I zeroed in on the only piece of information she had bothered to fill out. Under "Hobbies" she had written, "working on my pole". At first glance, this had unsettled me, but I figured she was talking about a stripper pole. All the better! Now, however, the truth hit home.

TV didn't stand for television. It stood for transvestite.

I courteously ended the conversation (and by "courteously ended the conversation", I mean I hit the X button on the chat window and added Hot_TV_In_Hollywood to my long list of blocked users). Let my mistakes be a warning to everyone!

Disclaimer: I have nothing against transvestites, transsexuals, transmissions, or trains.